That’s a slightly unfair headline for this ode to coffee. For all their tax-related faults, I don’t think they’re schmucks. Specifically, Luigi who delivers a sterling brew every morning at the Holborn branch is a particular star.
Misspelling of ‘Mother Pukka’ aside (the first version was unprintable), I just thought coffee needed some parental thanks in the form of some really shit, badly-rhyming words. (Instagram has, I believe, reached full capacity on the casual coffee shots in a rustic hipster café.)
Coffee, coffee, you’re a proper mate
Like, without you, I’d always be well late
Caffeine, caffeine, you lighten the mood
I count on you fully for the safety of my brood
Coffee, coffee, we’re going proper steady
You and me, we’re, like, brand ‘ready’
Caffeine, caffeine, you’ve got so posh
I do love you best with a moist brioche
Coffee, coffee, you make me well happy
Even when faced with a catastrophic nappy
Caffeine, caffeine, we do have some japes
Pinot noir? Who needs grapes?
Coffee, coffee, you’re good until five
That’s when vodka keeps ‘em alive
Headline inspired by a comment from @judypink on my Instagram.